Disclaimer: Reading this can lead you into watching the film, which can harm your relationship. Watch it at your own peril. Worse still, laugh at your own risk.
Here’s a fictional conversation between a couple who chose director Luv Ranjan’s ‘Pyaar ka punchnama’ as their date movie.
GF: You didn’t want me to watch this film together, didn’t you?
BF: We’re about to watch this film now, so why are you bringing that up again?
GF: I noticed your face…as if you swallowed some bitter pill.
BF: Look, the opening credits…
GF: It’s just a song na…that to a silly-sounding song.
BF: Hush…now let me watch the film…
GF: Exam dena hai kya?
(20 minutes in the film and the guy laughs aloud)
GF: What’s so funny about it?
BF: The dialogues are too good! I mean it feels like straight out of someone’s life…
GF: Someone? And who’s that someone?
BF: Anyone..someone…okay no one…now stop.
(Lights flash as the screen reads: Interval)
BF: Yeh hai Mukesh ki kahaani…hahaa gosh! I never thought anyone can ever make such a spoof and this film is so freakin’ true to someone’s life!
GF: Someone? Who someone?
BF: Well…someone…anyone…okay no one…Popcorn and cold drink?
GF: No, I am dieting…Okay do one thing…One diet cola or something, one boiled corn, one caramel popcorn…
BF: Caramel while dieting?
GF: Ya, else I’d have ordered pastries. And you too, cut down on your colas…buy some juice instead…better still, drink water – it’s free these days in multiplexes. In fact, you can sue them if they don’t offer you for free.
BF: Okay darling. Ban gaya kutta…bandh gaya patta…mein to ban gaya kutta…
GF: What were you just humming?
BF: Nothing darling…nothing…diet cola, boiled corn and caramel popcorn as ordered…Director Luv Ranjan has nailed it again this time! Kartik Aryan from the previous film is too good isn’t it? Just can’t wait for the reprise of his 7-minute monologue…
GF: Yeah, even Omkar Kapoor is good…quite intensity in his eyes…Just like my coochie coochie…
(The film resumes and after the much-awaited monologue of Kartik Aryan, the guy is completely in splits, just like every other male in the auditorium. People are clapping nonstop as if it were a live standup comedy show).
BF: (Yelling) Sach hai dost! (Clapping aloud with both hands raised)
GF: Shut up! What are you doing? Are we in some seedy single theatre or what?
(The guy completely ignores her and keeps laughing incurably, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend)
GF: Badi hasi aa rahi hai? What’s so funny about this silly misogynist film?
BF: Who cares for such hefty labels? This is a fun film! Bravo Luv Ranjan!!
GF: I can’t believe you’re laughing at such cheap jokes!
BF: It’s a fact of life! Wake up, smell the coffee! This is exactly how a guy feels in a relationship…All 3 guys have something that one can actually relate to…It isn’t any figment of imagination but reality.
GF: Reality my foot! I am leaving. We need to talk.
BF: But let me watch the end at least…
(The girl walks out. Wherever she goes, her network follows. The guy misses the end but one’s sure he must be on the receiving end.)