Day 1: The Mehra Mansion (Arrival)
On reaching auditorium, meet Pluto Mehra (Aamir Khan), the narrator of the film who assists you with his dogmas on humans while you try understanding the dysfunctional Mehra family. On completing the check-in formalities, take some rest with Kamal Mehra (Anil Kapoor who seems to enjoying every bit of this film) and his wife Neelam Mehra (Shefali Shah at her best) and their son Kabir (Ranveer Singh in a born-to-play Kabir performance) and Ayesha (Priyanka Chopra who wears confidence up her sleeve).
Day 02: Cruise Liner Deck 7
Having introduced to the Mehra family, you can join the Mehra family to celebrate their 30th Wedding Anniversary on a star cruise captained by director Zoya Akhtar. Indulge in some bitching and gossiping session by a bunch of interesting characters with dialogues peppered with wit and humour, thanks to Farhan Akhtar, who doubles up as the film’s dialogue writer. Stay overnight at the cruise to witness a feisty Farah Ali (Anushka Sharma who makes you believe she is indeed Farah Ali) and watch the romance between Kabir and Farah brewing.
Day 03: Istanbul
A refreshing jaunt to Istanbul, including the ancient Hamam will reward you with some breathtaking views and commendable observations on higher class society, where carrying a similar handbag is the worst possible crime a woman can ever commit.
Day 04: Cruise Liner Deck 7
In the meanwhile you can enjoy Kamal Mehra, the self-made businessman orchestrating business collaboration in guise of matrimonial alliance between Kabir and Nuri (Ridhima Sud), while Nuri is in love with Rana (Vikrant Massey, the terrific actor from Lootera). Amidst these confusions, the ‘Titanic Romance’ between Kabir and Farah Ali takes off on a cycle and crash lands on the cruise room bed.
Day 05: Cruise Liner Deck 7
Witness a storm in the life of Ayesha, Priyanka Chopra’s character and her ‘chauvinist in guise of liberal-minded’ husband Manav (Ably played by Rahul Bose). Enter Sunny Gill (Farhan Akhtar in a brief yet poignant appearance), Ayesha’s ex boyfriend and witness the Mehra family getting all the more messed up. Nibble some sibling bond between Kabir and Ayesha, which has never been shown so well sans melodrama of the Hare Rama Hare Krishna days.
Day 06: Cruise Liner Deck 7
Take a break (much-needed one here) with well-paced songs like ‘Girls like to swing’, ‘Pehli baar’ and ‘Gallan goodiyan’ composed by Shankar Ehsan Loy and penned by Javed Akhtar, who has also written dialogues for Pluto Mehra, the film’s narrator. The foot-tapping music ensures that you’re still with the Mehra family and their problems. The naach-gaana might inspire Sooraj Barjatya to set his next film in a train or perhaps an airplane. He can reprise his ‘Tuffy’ too. After all, why should Pluto have all the fun?
Day 07-09: Cruise Liner Deck 7
Well, apologies for the digression. So let’s go back to the Mehra family and their problems, which are deepening day-by-day and thankfully is about to reach its climax. Marvel at the beautiful cinematography by Carlos Catalan and crisp editing by Anand Subaya and Manan Mehta who make the cruise look elegant and all ‘decked-up’, literally. So relax and sip few colas and munch some popcorns while the writers Reema Kagti and Zoya Akhtar desperately try figuring out ways to detangle the mess they created on Day 01.
Day 10: Cruise Liner Deck 7
The writers finally give up and hence ask Kabir, Ranveer Singh’s character to bail them out and the only thing he could come up with is something we’d leave upon you to behold. After all, this itinerary cannot reveal details that need to be experienced rather than read.
The mess has been cleared or rather washed away in the sea after a 10-day cruise. So if you’ve got issues at home, go for a 10-day cruise, invite your rivals and loved ones over, lo and behold, problems will sink on their own. At least Zoya Akhtar makes you believe so, in this remarkable journey worth embarking upon.
Package cost: Rs. 200- Rs. 600 + 170 minutes + Popcorn and Cola cost extra + Taxes
- The above itinerary is a complete entertainer, not applicable for meaningful or art film enthusiasts.
- The 170 minute cruise ride might result into home sickness or TV remote craving.
- Bringing kids along has perils of being pestered to take up a similar cruise trip.
- The itinerary opinion is subject to change, depending upon one’s taste and preference.