Anurag Kashyap: Here’s a wedding gift for you…
Kalki Koechlin: Wow! Another role in your friend’s film? I loved doing ZNMD!
AK: Nope, it’s my film this time, and you are playing the lead.
KK: What role is it like?
AK: It’s a story of a British girl in search of her father.
KK: Oh! So you’re playing my father’s role?
AK: I don’t look that older! Anyways, the entire film revolves around that girl.
KK: So what’s the plot?
AK: I told you, it’s the story of a British girl in search of her father, wearing yellow boots.
KK: Yuck! Why on earth does she wear yellow boots?
AK: Even I don’t have a clue, but it sounds international…you know…world cinema-like. We can call it some metaphor of sorts…will sound much intellectual.
KK: Whatever. Where’s the script?
AK: We’ll write together
KK: But we need a concrete story to build the plot, what about characterizations…?
AK: Don’t worry, once we gulp down a few pegs, everything will fall into place.
[After a week of ‘gulping down a few pegs’]
Kalki Koechlin: Why the hell do you want to add this child abuse angle to the story?
Anurag Kashyap: It’s a hangover of my role in Onir’s ‘Iam’…can’t help…
KK: Get over it! And why do I have to give massage and ‘hand-jobs’ to so many men?
AK: You play a masseuse. It’s time to milk the opportunity of the ‘crass trend’ in films.
KK: And why so many swear words? A character addresses me by a gaali of female anatomy! Isn’t it something really disgusting?
AK: We must thank Aamir Khan for that. It’s all ‘allowed’ these days post Delhi Belly.
KK: But the script doesn’t go anywhere except for the twist in the end…
AK: It keeps the viewer hooked with titillations of hand-jobs and a nuanced performance by Naseeruddin Shah, Puja Sarup, Shiv Subramanium our own Gulshan Devaiah of Shaitan, play the cat and mouse game between the father and daughter, and by the time we reach the end, remember we’ve got that ‘twist’.
KK: And what will my co-star do?
AK: We’ll handcuff him all through the film and make him pee from the window. I think Prashant Prakash will be perfect for the role. Nobody would bother about him anyway.
KK: Well, I don’t care what you do to him, as long as I get to play the lead role.
AK: It’s your film all the way. We’ll make the film do rounds in international film festivals which nobody has heard of. The budget will be kept low, with Naren Chandavarkar, Suhaas Ahuja and Benedict Taylor scoring the background music, Rajeev Ravi as cinematographer. Nobody would buy this film, so I would produce and direct it.
KK: What will be the name of the film?
AK: That girl in yellow boots.
KK: Isn’t it a bit odd…I mean for the Indian audience?
AK: Sounds international…world-cinema-like, isn’t it?