Rohan Sippy: Dad, I want to make a film
Ramesh Sippy: Kuch na kaho! No more bluffing around this time.
Rohan Sippy: But dad…I have the script, dialogues, casting, and lyrics ready!
Ramesh Sippy: Do you have writers like Salim Javed?
Rohan Sippy: I have Shridhar Raghavan, the guy who wrote Khakhee, Bluffmaster, and TV serials like Aahat and 500 episodes of CID series on Sony TV…I picked him up for writing a film version of Jailed Abroad TV serial on National Geographic Channel and CID where Abhishek Bachchan will play Shivaji Satam with Govind Namdeo and a sidekick doing shit job called Mercy.
Ramesh Sippy: Who’s writing the dialogues?
Rohan Sippy: Purva Naresh. He has written fabulous lines like ‘Michael Barbosa ke baare mein bol, baaki sab ke liye Google hai.
Ramesh Sippy: What kind of line is that?
Rohan Sippy: Okay…listen to this one: Yeh Goa hai, yahan par sharab sasti hai aur ladki usse bhi sasti…
Ramesh Sippy: I am afraid this line might create a controversy…
Rohan Sippy: Well, that’s my backup plan. The film will generate curiosity and draw people to the theatre. I also have another backup plan – an item number.
Ramesh Sippy: Munni or Sheela?
Rohan Sippy: Remix version of RD Burman’s Dum maro dum.
Ramesh Sippy: Have you procured rights for it from Dev Saab?
Rohan Sippy: What are you saying dad! Has Pritam ever sought rights from anyone for picking up their songs? We will give it a trance feel and edit out a few words to make it sound different. So ‘Hare Krishna Hare’ would remain, the ‘Ram’ part will be edited out. Even the lyricist Jaideep Sahni has added a twist to the original song by adding lines like ‘Oonche se ooncha banda potty pe baithe nanga’. So the question of copyright issue doesn’t even arise.
Ramesh Sippy: That’s smart. And which actor is doing it? Katrina or Malaika?
Rohan Sippy: We’ll get Deepika Padukone to do an item number as we need a dumb expression for the song to depict her being intoxicated. She’s the safest bet after Katrina.
Ramesh Sippy: Great, so what’s the story?
Rohan Sippy: The film explores the ugly side of Goa, maneuvers through the underbelly of drug trade in Goa and how a youngster Lorry played by Prateik Babbar is trapped at the hands of Lorsa Biscuita aka Biscuit played by Aditya Pancholi. The film will show how his well wisher Joki played by Telugu actor Rana Daggubati helps him out while licking his wounds of a broken relationship with Zoe played by Bipasha Basu.
Ramesh Sippy: And what is our CID hero doing?
Rohan Sippy: CID hero? Oh..ok…ACP Vishnu Kamath i.e. Abhishek Bachan? Well, he is appointed to hunt down all the drug businessmen and wipe them off fromGoa and also find Michael Barbusa, an invisible man who runs this racket through Biscuit. It’s a treasure hunt game dad, it will be fun digging the graves ofGoa.
Ramesh Sippy: Digging the graves ofGoa? What do you mean by that?
Rohan Sippy: Shhh…it’s a suspense dad…you’ve got to watch it to know what I mean. Amit Roy will shootGoa in sepia tone, Aarif Shaikh will edit the film and give it a slick look and Medieval Punditz will score peppy background music. What else do we want? Err…except for your production house to back it…
Ramesh Sippy: The cheque book is lying on my table, go ahead, play the gamble.
Rohan Sippy: Don’t worry dad, after watching Dum Maro Dum people will eventually realise that this was actually my Bluffmaster 2.